A-secret-behind-you

I knew this isn't a-secret-behind-you anymore. How fast everything happened in a blink of an eye, and next, you knew everything. It's the day which I really hope it won't arrive, but it came at last. It's the day when everything's seems to be lacking and felt so empty-hearted.

And this time I was sure, but I don't know whether am I making the right decision to do this. And whenever I'm sure, I knew I was usually wrong about it. But I'm wondering will I still be able to carry out a false pretence in front of you.

I was numb and upset from something, something others could just yet figure out. It was almost like there was something missing yet it seemed like I've built a wall around me, hiding in that fortress, not letting anyone to help. But wanting so much to be ignored yet so terribly afraid of being left alone.

I was a stranger, just a nobody, to you. Yet I'm still carry on to smile, however, that smile was different, it felt old. That warm familiarity almost forgotten, but not.. And there I listened on the phone, lost in the darkness. Although so much I wanted to say something, yet nothing come out of this slightly parted lips. And said nothing. I'm really at a loss for words, I didn't know what to say. Same goes to you too. Everything's in silence, total silence. And the awkward feeling and atmosphere came knocking on the door, saying 'hello' to both of us.

Others knew I had nothing left to feel for, yet I doesn't know what I can do. I'm carrying on, it's doesn't mean I'm strong. It only means that I'm weak enough at letting go. I wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart, because the best thing is to see someone you really care and love for is to feel their happiness, although I felt an unspeakable sadness in me.

I putting high hope and high faith for every tomorrow. But disappointments are what I always get. I guess I knew what's wrong. It's really keep bothering me. Why am I so afraid of losing you when you're not even mine? Why am I so afraid the change of the distance of both of us like drifting away? Why? So many 'whys' came appearing in my mind. And I don't wish to know your answer. My heart really felt a sudden pain in there, and my vision just went blurred. I'm not expecting any reply from you and I willing to do anything, and even give up on you, because of you. Sigh, I doubt I'll be able to get into sleep again today.

I still love you, all the best ahead(:
Please don't forget me, because I won't forget you.
And lastly to end this post, I wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart.

Teddy-the-teddy,
Luv you.